I Pity Hogwarts
by Baszil
Summary: Dumbledore scanned the crowd at the welcoming feast, his eyes past over the various ninja lining the hall to the exchange students from Japan. He turned to his new DADA teacher Zaraki Kenpachi and over to the Military from Amestris. I pity Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We do not own any of these characters, they belong to many other people, most of whom i can't remember, we don't own harry potter, characters or place, we also don't own naruto, fullmetal alchemist, bleach, fruits basket and whatever else we choose to throw in this fanfic. The plot is ours, but im pretty sure no one else would want to claim it.

AN: We apologise for the confusion and general screwed up story you are about to read, it was fun to write though, hope you enjoy the first chapter.

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**I Pity Hogwarts: Chapter One**

Dumbledore stared out over the student body with a mischievous glint in his cerulean eyes. His eyes focusing on the new faces within the crowd. There was something so delightful about their bewildered expressions, he had a feeling that Hogwarts wasn't quite ready for the intrusion but then if they had been it wouldn't have been any fun… would it?

His eyes turned to the shadowy figures found lining the room, each one distinguishable from the rest by the masks covering their faces and identities. They flitted over then to the small yellow haired boy flanked by a stony faced woman and a rather attractive man (not that Dumbledore was interested of course).

He then turned his attention to the group of new students joining them from Japan, a rather interesting group if Mrs Norris was anything to go by, she was at the time rubbing against the leg of the orange haired kid.

Another group of Japanese students off to the side where regarding him with the same curiosity he was bestowing upon them, one in particular a rather petulant looking white haired boy with intelligent eyes stared back eyebrow quirked.

Yes… Hogwarts was not ready for such an intrusion of "interesting" individuals, proven by the splintered remains of the Slytherin table, destroyed earlier by a fight between two of the Sohmas, (or a rat and cat).

"Good evening and welcome to the Hogwarts start of year feast. I imagine you have noticed some rather unusual additions to the Hogwarts family. They may be different but please treat them with respect, particularly the ones in black as they are trained to kill all threats." He paused allowing the message to sink in, judging by the gasps and looks of abstract horror, they received the message.

"Firstly I would like to introduce to you, the new members of the faculty. For the post of care of magical creatures all the way from Japan Professor Hatori Sohma, his hobbies include scolding his two idiotic friends and gardening" The Professor in question raised an eyebrow before standing up and accepting the applause from the students. (A certain Cat was trying to convince a rat to see who could clap hardest as a challenge.)

"Now I'd like to introduce the brave soul who is tempting fate and has taken the position for DADA for the year, Professor Zaraki Kenpachi his hobbies include maiming those weaker then him and looking after a small pink haired girl."

All the students seemed to agree that he looked up to the challenge. It was something about the eye patch, scars and sword.

"Secondly I will hand over to Professor McGonagall to sort the new students joining us this year from Japan" Professor McGonnagall stepped forwards bringing with her a mangled old hat.

"Ichigo Kurosaki"

A tall, lanky, cantankerous youth with vibrant orange hair slouched up the podium.

The hat barely settled on his head before it cried " Gryffindor"

As the new Gryffindor made his way to said table, McGonagall read the next name.

"Toushiro Histugaya"

The small, white haired youth, that had caught Dumbledore's eye before made his way up to the hat, his intelligent ice like eyes sweeping the table in front of him, before looking at the battered hat about to be put on his head. Sitting down the hat didn't even make it to his head before yelling out "Ravenclaw"

"Orihime Inoue" A voluptuous red head bounced exuberantly up to the hat. The boy's watched deliriously as she made her way up the front.

"Hufflepuff"

"Rangiku Matsumoto" As said person made her way forward, it was impossible for a guy not to stare and/or pass out, if Inoue was voluptuous then there was no word for Rangiku. She walked forward oblivious to the effect she was having on the male population. As she approached if it was possible for a hat to blush, I'm sure all of Hogwarts would have been able to light up the night with the sorting hat.

The hat stuttered as he announced her house, (many students seemed to be praying that their house was announced.)

"Ravenclaw"

A polite "arigatou" was whispered as Rangiku took off the hat and went to sit with her captain.

"Renji Abarai"

The most outrageous male to ever enter Hogwarts stalked up the hat, his tattoos and crazy red hair clashing with the Hogwarts robes far more then should have been possible.

As soon as the hat was placed on his heads a battle of wills seemed to ensue between them until finally.

"Gryffindor"

The subsequent fight left the hat more then a little ruffled. The two new additions to Gryffindor glared at each other ominously.

"Rukia Kuchiki"

A petite black haired girl stepped forward, a stuffed lion clinging to her back; she glared over her shoulder at it before marching up to the sorting hat.

"Slytherin" Shouted the hat after a few moments upon her head. She took off the hat, placing it back on the stool before grabbing the stuffed lion and throwing it at Ichigo before stalking towards the place the Slytherin table should have been. She sat down among the wreckage next to Draco Malfoy.

"Yasutora Sado"

A boy built like a bear trudged forward; he was smart enough not to attempt the stool. He took the hat from McGonagall after she tried and failed to put it on his head.

"Hufflepuff"

"Uryu Ishida"

The guy who stepped forward looked like he belonged to the chess club and possibly the sewing club, with his glasses, stick figure and pile of books under one arm. A whisper was heard from the Gryffindor table as he passed. "Look its Hermione's brother" This comment earned a certain Weasley a slap on the face.

Placing the hat on his head, no one was surprised when it yelled out.

"Ravenclaw."

Making his way towards the table and sitting next to the other new students, he received a glare from the young captain as his gaze focused too long on his vice captain and her most obvious features.

"Momo Hinamori"

A melancholy girl with her hair pulled back into a cloth-covered bun walked forlornly up to the chair.

The hat's expression went from welcoming to extremely disturbed.

"You need help," it murmured (One captain couldn't help but agree)

"Hufflepuff"

"Hatsuharu Sohma"

A tall youth with black and white hair walked towards the hat, a bored expression on his face, which seemed out of place with his piercings and army style boots. Sitting on the stool with the hat on his head his expression soon changed to one of anger.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?" He shouted offended by some comment the hat had made.

"Wow that hat turned him into black Haru." Whispered one of the students left to be sorted.

"SLYTHERIN" The hat cried trying to get away from the boy he was currently sitting upon.

"Oh okay" Said the boy obviously mellowed out a bit now, his expression back to one of boredom. The hat just looked confused but kept his mouth shut as the boy walked away from him.

"Yuki Sohma"

A handsome, dark haired boy walked resignedly towards the hat. As he passed one of the other boy's a look of hatred crossed his girl-like features. The boy who had apparently been trying to trip Yuki over was sent flying across the room landing in the remains of the Slytherin table a dint in his face a perfect impression of Yuki's curled fist.

"Ravenclaw?" The hat suggested, the boy just nodded and politely thanked the hat taking his place amongst the students

"Kyo Sohma" The hat had a look of horror on his face as he recognised the youth walking towards him as the one that had earlier destroyed the Slytherin table as he tried to beat one of the other new students. 'Isn't there anyone normal in this family?' The hat thought as he was put on Kyo's head.

"AS LONG AS YOU DON'T PUT ME WITH THAT DAMN RAT" Screamed the boy, as his scream died out, Mrs Norris was found to be sitting on his lap.

"Gryffindor" The hat said wishing this weird boy away.

"Kagura Sohma" The hat was somewhat relieved to see a sweet, quiet looking girl walking shyly towards him.

"Huff" the hat was suddenly cut off by an enraged scream.

"WHAT, YOU DARE SEPARATE ME FROM MY LOVE. NO I MUST BE WITH MY KYO, YOU CANT SEPARATE US!" her screams where eventually ceased as the hat screamed a defeated "Gryffindor"

"Momiji Sohma"

A bouncing, blond, boy? Appeared. Of course he was wearing the girls uniform so it was an easy mistake to make.

"My turn, my turn, my turn" He chanted as he skipped towards the hat. 'He's not normal' the hat couldn't help but think.

"I wanna be with Haru," The blond boy whined as the hat sat on his head. "Please, please, please…" Giving up to the boys pestering he said "Slytherin" Which in truth fitted him, he got his way in the end and was as cunning as any snake.

"Tohru Honda"

"Tohru, you should be with us!" Momiji chimed bouncing on Hatsuharu's lap. The girl just smiled kindly as she sat on the stool.

The hat smiled blissfully at a mind that wasn't over run with homicidal thoughts.

"Hufflepuff"

"I quit" The hat mumbled

Dumbledore stood up as she took her seat.

"Now as many of you have noticed, I really hope all of you have noticed, there are a few other additions to Hogwarts, neither student nor teacher. As you all are aware Voldemort has gained power and many more allies, because of this I have asked for extra protection to be given to Hogwarts. From Konohagakure I have hired the elite Ninja that surround the hall", he indicated towards the closest figure, one with a Fox mask on his face.

Some students looked shocked to notice the figures for the first time, (idiots).

Dumbledore continued. "Please do not approach them or in any way be deemed a threat, they are trained as assassins and will kill you if seen as such." He smiled at the looks of pure horror found on the student's faces.

"Another group of people you might not want to cross are the military from Amestris, they are trained alchemists and are not to be trifled with." The three figures nodded their agreement.

"What that kid?" one of the students whispered staring openly at the blonde boy in the front.

"WHO YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT AN ANT COULD COME UP TO HIM AND SAY HEY YOU LOOK LIKE MY BROTHER"

The boy cowered in his seat as the enraged boy dived at him held back only by his handsome dark haired companion.

"Stand down Fullmetal" Said his dark haired superior. The blonde glared up at Roy before taking his place next to him, his hands ready to transform his right arm into a sword at a moments notice. The only women in the group rolled her eyes at the two of them, 'get a room' she thought.

"I heard that Hawkeye" She looked away at that (having not meant to say it aloud), swearing under her breath.

Dumbledore coughed trying to get the rooms attention.

"Anyway" He said before continuing, "This here is Brigadier General Roy Mustang also known as the Flame alchemist." The handsome man stepped forward, a smirk on his features as he nodded to Dumbledore.

"His second in command Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye." The women stepped forward saluted and stepped back behind her commander.

"And finally, last but not least Major Edward Elric the Fullmetal Alchemist." The small boy stepped forward glared and stepped back.

"Now I think that is everything, let the feast begin." He clapped his hand and food appeared on all tables but the Slytherin one.

"Oops I forgot" Dumbledore said sheepishly as he waved his wand and fixed the table, the food appearing moments later.

Sitting back down one though crossed his mind.

'I pity Hogwarts'

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I hope you had as much fun reading this as we did writing it, feel free to review, flame it if you must, thanks for reading.

_Bas_**Zil**


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: We so don't own anything out of this story except the lack of plot!_

_Authors note: The people out of fruits basket went to a magic school previously... _

The feast was underway at Hogwarts, that's not to say that there weren't a few hiccups

**At the Ravenclaw table...**

Toushiro was currently glaring at the table as Matsumoto talked to the Asian girl sitting next to them. He tried hard to ignore their conversation and the chatter around them, he couldn't however ignore the looks his vice captain was getting.

He heard his name mentioned in Matsumoto's conversation and turned his attention to what she was saying; he knew she wouldn't spill anything she wasn't supposed to, I mean she hadn't had a drop of sake.

"Well only the upper classes got the chance to apply to transfer to Hogwarts, it was a big honour to be picked." Matsumoto smiled while lying with practiced ease.

"Oh" said the girl Cho Chang she'd introduced herself as. "Well I'm in seventh year so I'll try and help you out as much as possible."

"That'd be great" Matsumoto replied bouncing on her chair, Toushiro glared at the guys that noticed that. "I'm not sure about the other exchange students" She nodded towards Yuki who was currently charming three sixth year girls further down the table.

"But Ishida here" she pointed to mentioned guy who was currently talking about nargles with an interesting Ravenclaw. "Is in sixth year, as is Ichigo over in Gryffindor, Chad and Orihime in Hufflepuff and Rukia in Slytherin. The rest of us are seventh years."

"WHAT?" said someone, "What about him?" He asked pointing to Toushiro.

The temperature dropped a few degrees as Toushiro turned his icy stare onto the poor boy.

"What do you mean by that?" His voice now holding a dangerous tone.

The boy in question stammered for a bit, unsure of what answer would get him out of trouble, Matsumoto took pity on the boy and saved him from her captain.

"Yes Toushiro is in seventh year, he's only 13 though as he's a genius and skipped a couple of grades."

That impressed the Ravenclaws who were well known for their intelligence, though none of them had even skipped a grade let alone four.

In truth Toushiro had simply refused to be put in a grade with such low intellect, it was insulting and he wouldn't stand for it.

"Still he's so small, I thought he was a first year." Said an unknown student. The rest of the table seemed to have their own opinion on his age and the whispers started.

"His eyes look older." "He's hair is white, he can't be that young." "He's so short."

Matsumoto knew her captain wouldn't be able to hold back his power if he was angered much longer, she needed to intervene and soon.

"He's just so cute." With the last comment made by a Ravenclaw, Toushiro could no longer hold it back; the Ravenclaw table was covered in ice in seconds.

Toushiro carefully removed his hands from the table.

'Too late' Thought Matsumoto.

This was going to be a long year and Toushiro knew this as he continued to stare at the table in front of him, watching the ice melt.

**At the Slytherin table…**

Rukia Kuchki was not to be ignored as Draco Malfoy very soon found out. He had tried valiantly to act snooty and regal looking down his nose at the girl. That had of course backfired when she had punched him on said nose. He quickly realised that these new students where not of the regular kind, the girl was just plain scary when she was annoyed. She had apparently decided that she didn't like the attitude of the Slytherin's muttering something along the lines of "Not another bunch of nobles, well they cant shred me to pieces with petals so I'm not putting up with it."

Further down the table the small blonde Momiji Sohma was perched happily on the lap of his cousin Hatsaharu animatedly chatting to Pansy Parkinson. The girl would every now and then whimper something about cuteness grinning at the boy. "You know that Haru and I have been friends for ever" The boy giggled excitedly throwing his arms around Hatsaharu's waist lovingly. "I'm so glad we are in the same class so we can spend lots of time together." Pansy smiled at the boy adoringly

" But I thought you said Hatsaharu was in 5th year, you mean you skipped all those years?"

Hatsaharu looked up finally acknowledging the other members of his house.

"Oh no" he drawled quietly " Momiji hasn't ever been put up a year, he's the same age as me"

Only Momiji joyfully singing a jaunty tune about cake filled the ensuing silence. He didn't seem to notice that every member of the Slytherin table was attempting to scrape their jaw off the floor. All except Draco that was because an orange, stuffed lion was currently tackling him.

**At the staff table…**

The new care of magical creatures teacher Hatori Sohma was currently talking to Minerva McGonagall about what he had been doing since departing from Hogwarts, after all she was his old teacher.

"Well I did a double degree at the University of Magical Health, a degree to be a healer as well as care of all magical creatures, I thought that would be the best thing as I wanted to become the Sohma families healer, a big position by all standards."

She nodded her head and voiced a question to that, "Why was that the best degree if you wanted to be a healer?"

'Because 13 members of my family have a tendency to turn into animals at any chosen moment' He thought but didn't say.

"I thought it to be well versed in all care of any creature as the Sohma family has no vet but many pets, so their care would also rest on me." It wasn't really a lie just a stretch of the truth, he studied her out of his one seeing eye for any doubt she may have had to his answer, she took the answer in and turned the conversation.

"How are Shigeru and Ayami? I remember the three of you in school, inseparable and worse then the marauders themselves."

He smiled at this, old memories came to mind, "They are both well Shigeru took his talent at making up stories and put it to good use as he's now an author." 'Just don't read the books' He wanted to add.

Minerva laughed at that, "Yes I remember he came up with some of the most outrageous reasons for while you three were caught where you were, sometimes I thought maybe they were real because no one would come up with such tales. And Ayami?"

"He also took a skill he showed in school and now owns a… fashion store."

"Severus would appreciate that, if I remember correctly it was Ayami that re decorated the Slytherin common room in pink and purple, he also had all the Slytherin's in different costumes."

'Hasn't changed since then.' Hatori couldn't help but think.

A ruckus down the table put a stop to their conversation.

Meanwhile down the table Severus currently had a sword to his throat. His assailant Zaraki had thrown his chair back as he attacked the potions master.

"YOU WANT TO SAY THAT AGAIN?" He yelled at the sneering teacher. "YOU WANNA SAY I'M NOT QUALIFIED AT DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS WHEN I HAVE YOU PINNED AND A SWORD TO YOUR THROAT?"

The teacher didn't answer, but a shot rang through the hall.

Riza Hawkeye had her gun out and trained on the new DADA teacher, a small hole was found in Zaraki's interesting hairstyle, where the bullet had entered.

"I suggest you let the teacher go or the next shot will be through your head, I am here to protect the population of Hogwarts so please do not threaten anyone."

To everyone's surprise he did as he was told, letting go of Snape, grabbing his chair off the floor and sitting back down to eat.

The rest of the table did the same, Hawkeye sitting back down to finish the meal.

A few minutes past in complete silence, everyone afraid to speak until Hawkeye broke the silence.

"Stop staring" She commanded looking at Zaraki.

"I wasn't" He said a manic grin on his face.

"You were and you will stop." She left no question in her sentence but still he questioned it.

"Or what?"

Her hazel eyes met his dark brown ones as she answered him, her voice like steel.

"I'll shoot you in none fatal points until you stop."

"She'll do it." Said her commanding officer Mustang, a smirk on his face.

"Yeah and you'd know." Said Ed, "I mean she's shot at you more times then anyone."

Roy turned to him, "Well she might shoot at you if she could ever find you, I mean you're a hard target to find."

"WHO YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE'D DROWN IN THE PAPERWORK YOU LET PILE UP ON YOUR DESK?"

"Calm down Fullmetal."

"Don't tell me what to do bastard."

They continued to bicker, but only Hawkeye noticed that their legs were touching under the table.

Turning back to her original problem Hawkeye was relieved to find the DADA teacher to be eating his food and no longer staring at her.

'Why was he looking at me?" She wondered but no answer came, she failed to notice the slight pink tinge to Zaraki's face.

**At the Gryffindor table…**

Ginny Weasley was a smart girl she knew straight away that these where not ordinary Japanese exchange students, she was perceptive enough to question the supposed dislike between Ichigo and Renji. They may have bickered like mortal enemies but they both had joy in their eyes hidden behind the mask of irritation. She wondered if perhaps they thought of each other more as brothers, they just seemed so comfortable in each other's presence.

She also saw in Kyo Sohma a veiled respect for his cousin, Yuki. She doubted he would ever admit it even under threat of death but every complaint he made against the boy seemed almost whimsical as though he wished he could be the same as the other boy.

Ginny was also brave, hence why she was now tapping the drooped shoulder of Kagura Sohma. At some point her expression had altered from one of anger and passion to that of sadness.

"Are you okay?" Ginny asked smiling encouragingly at the sweet looking brunet.

"Yes" the girl said in a small voice shredding her napkin until it somewhat resembled Mrs. Norris who was at that moment curled up asleep on Kyo's lap (the boy had tried to make her go away but Mrs. Norris had lived in Hogwarts for a long time and the magic had somewhat infused within her. She knew how to get what she wanted, and Kyo did rather want children at some point in his life… he decided to let her stay)

The small girl pulled in a shaky breath and continued, "I didn't mean to make trouble, it's just that I love Kyo so much"

At that point all hell broke loose, apparently Ichigo Kurosaki had said something Kyo Sohma didn't like because he dived across the table colliding heavily with the other boy, Renji seemed to take that as a personal insult somehow and dived into the mix. Harry Potters hero complex took over at that moment as he began to fight against the two attacking Kyo. This led to Ron and the rest of the Gryffindor boys joining in not necessarily on the same side.

Ginny was beginning to wonder if perhaps the 'courage' of the Gryffindor boy's was really just excess amounts of testosterone but then Kagura jumped into the mix screaming, "Get away from Kyo, only I can hurt him and that's just with my love.

Ginny just sighed and turned to Hermione who was randomly incapacitating people as they tumbled around.

"I should have said yes when the hat offered to put me in Slytherin." Hermione nodded sagely "Yeah me too"

**In a dark corner…**

Hinata stood with her back to a wall, her eyes scanning the room in front of her for possible threats, besides the new DADA teacher, the Gryffindor table and the military none so far had been found.

She hand signalled to the other ninja found around the room.

'Any trouble?' She asked using the hand signals only the ANBU knew.

'None so far.' Was the response she got from most along with 'these kids are idiots' and 'I'm bored.'

Ignoring the last two comments she relayed the message to her squad captain who was currently sitting on a beam in the roof. She looked up to see the familiar fox mask looking at her.

She no longer felt anything more then admiration for the owner of said mask. Naruto had grown into a fine man, amazing ninja and a born leader, she felt privileged just to be on his squad not to mention vice captain that she'd just been promoted to.

There were currently six ninja found in various point within the hall. Naruto, Ino, Chouji, Shino, Sakura and herself. Two other ninja Neji and Tenten were patrolling the rest of the school; although Hinata couldn't help but wonder how much patrolling they were doing together.

Turing her thoughts away from her cousin she activated her byakugan to check for unseen assailants, checking the hall she found none, nor any directly outside the room. What she saw within the room surprised her more.

When her eyes had glanced over a group of students from Japan what she saw startled her. Each member had drastically changed in appearance. It was weird though because it wasn't an illusion, she could still see the outline of the appearance they should have, it was almost like she was seeing their chakra system. On a wizard or ninja with the byakugan activated she would see the faint outline of a person and a vivid image of their chakra or magic. But these people seemed to be made of chakra; she could see a solid image of them, swords and all. It was impossible.

She deactivated her bloodline and looked at the students, they looked normal; she could see no other sign that they were an illusion, but with her eyes active, it just couldn't be.

She studied the students with her eyes active, they were powerful, there was no denying that, each one radiated a power only a few ninja had ever possessed, but the power didn't only come from them, a large amount of it, if not the majority came from the swords they were carrying. The orange haired kid's power seemed to rival that of the Kyuubi when Naruto was forced to use it.

Despite that Hinata found her eyes drawn to the small child at the Ravenclaw table. He looked older now, though still short something made him seem more mature and over all older. His eyes were like ice and she found them looking at her. For a moment she saw a flicker of something else, like a great dragon near the boy, she blinked and it was gone but he was still looking. He held amazing power, unlike the others; the boy held more power inside of him then the sword that was strapped to his back. It was like he had an amazing power bottled up inside him, just waiting to be released.

Whether the boy knew his potential was unknown but she couldn't help but wonder how he kept it within him. She raised an eyebrow when his power flared and a whole table was suddenly covered in ice.

She'd have to get Neji to have a look at them later after she told her captain of her findings. She continued to look around the room from problems but found her eyes often landed on a white haired boy.

**At Hufflepuff table…**

Things where decidedly more placid on Hufflepuff table, its few new additions where calmly seated amongst the other students talking politely. Yasutora Sado (Chad) was discovered to be a quiet, reserved, calm boy with none of the homicidal tendencies of the other exchange student. Orihime was gentle, kind and if most of the boy's at Hufflepuff didn't say so, totally adorable and very well endowed… with a lovely personality that was. She sat by Tohru Honda, they found they had a lot in common they spoke of Ichigo and Renji and then Yuki and Kyo comparing notes on who supposedly 'hated' the other more. Off to the side was Momo Hinamori she watched the other girls chat but found herself more often then not watching the small white haired boy at the Ravenclaw table.

The other Hufflepuffs watched the exchange politely talking amongst themselves, until they got up the nerve to talk to the new members. By the end of the feast they had set up a whole house pyjama party, Orihime was kind enough to offer to cater the event. The Hufflepuffs where delighted having no idea what they where in for.

_hope you enjoyed this though it is VERY crazy we had fun writing it._

_review are good..._

_BASzil_


	3. Chapter 3

_We don't own anything.... hope you enjoy the next exciting installment of our very crazy story!_

**Chapter 3**

When people say appearances can be deceiving they were obviously not referring to one Professor Zaraki Kenpachi. With a scar running down his face, an eye patch covering his left eye, his clothes all torn and a sword strapped to his back. On first glance one might think him to be insane, dangerous and not fit to be around children… they wouldn't be far from the truth either, so the question everyone asked was why he would be teaching defence against the dark arts at Hogwarts. The answer was simple there was no one else and a war was about to start, there was no other choice.

Zaraki stared menacingly out at the students cowering before him, a few had passed out after he drew his sword on a student for asking him how to pronounce his name. The rest where mostly hiding behind their textbooks or intently focused on writing their last will and testament, the few exceptions where the new additions to the class. Kyo and Ichigo from Gryffindor where rearing to go, nearly bouncing in their seats at the prospect of the class. Rukia from Slytherin seemed completely unconcerned; in fact she was smiling sweetly beside Draco, who honestly seemed more scared of her then the new professor.

Zaraki hadn't let go of the poor student that had asked how to pronounce his name and the student looked like he knew he was about to die, if the prayers he was mumbling were anything to go by. It seemed that whatever God he was praying to was feeling particularly nice that day as he sent a saviour. A gunshot was heard throughout the classroom. Riza Hawkeye stood within the doorway of the classroom gun still out and trained upon the teacher that was currently smiling at her.

"Please let go of the student now Professor." She said her voice calm. Zaraki's smile grew larger as he dropped the student on the floor.

"Happy?" He asked as he turned to face her.

"No." She answered "But that will do for the moment, please refrain from injuring any of the student while they're in your care or I will shoot you, now continue with your class and I will be on my way." He sheathed his sword and moved towards his desk.

"Alright class today we're studying hand to hand combat." He looked towards the door but she was already gone.

The class could have been a disaster, it could have ended in broken bones, students crying, broken windows and Kyo spear tackling Ichigo through the classroom's solid oak door. All of these things could have happened and as Murphy's Law seemed to be applying that day that was exactly how the class went. All that was left after the hour-long class was a room filled with splintered wood, the remanent of some school robes and Rukia wondering where the ginger cat at her feet had come from. Zaraki's eyes gleamed as he ushered her out of the room, dragging behind her a semi conscious Draco Malfoy, she thought maybe she would enjoy having him as a sparring partner.

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Toshiro Hitsugaya had always been a firm believer that everyone had their good sides, that everyone was smart in some aspect… that belief it seems had been destroyed by the population of Hogwarts in a few short hours. He'd learnt quickly that the house he'd been placed in was considered the brains of Hogwarts, after sitting through Care of Magical Creatures with them he had come to the conclusion that the Hogwarts had no brains.

The class had started out as normal as possible for a magic school with Matsumoto constantly at his side he'd joined the class, the teacher in question was straight forward, knowledgeable and not one to take any nonsense, in Toshiro's opinion the perfect teacher. To top it all off today's topic of conversation was Dragon's.

Now one might wonder that if everything was going fine how the genius captain came to such a conclusion, the answer was this, the motto of this school was never tickle a sleeping dragon, one might wonder why then a member of the smartest group of Hogwarts thought it a good idea to pat a baby black flame dragon as it slept.

If it hadn't been for quick thinking on Toshiro and Professor Sohma's part many of the students would have been injured. Toshiro had had enough common sense to pull the student quickly from the recently awoken dragon as the flames burst from its mouth, Professor Sohma grabbed the dragon from behind and to the young captains amazement the creature stopped the stream of flame and nudged the teachers hand.

The class finished after that as many students had fainted, one had even tripped over their own feet and fallen into a bush of poison ivy… idiot.

The class was dismissed as Professor Sohma put the dragon back into its cage, the dragon now totally calm within his grasp, Toshiro looked closely at the teacher, something within him stirred, he felt calm within his presence and a part of him yearned to be closer, it was almost as if Hyorimaru respected this man and recognised some similarity, ridiculous by any accounts.

Toshiro tried to rid himself of this thought as he walked to where Matsumoto was standing.

* * *

Professor Snape sat alone in the staffroom, an aura of fuming hatred seeping from his very pores. So far his day had been an utter nightmare, it had all started early that morning as he went to take his morning walk through the dungeons. He found walking through the cold, dark, damp halls calming, he thought perhaps it had something to do with the lack of any natural sunlight and the even more significant lack of students. Even the Slytherin's very rarely loitered in the dungeons and when they did they retreated very quickly when they saw the ominous swirl of his black cloak. So he had been walking as usual when to his utter horror and dismay he saw a cow with a bunny sitting on it. The ensuing girly scream that escaped from his lips was utterly humiliating, especially because right at that moment Hatori Sohma happened to walk down the hall, just in time to witness his moment of unmanliness. The bastard had even had the audacity to smile sympathetically and say in his very best condescending tone: "You're still afraid of cows then?" Severus had wanted to punch him in the jaw but in the presence of the cow all he could manage to do was whimper and run away.

His day hadn't improved after that, (except for one small encounter with one of the ninja that had been quite interesting). Somehow the cow seemed to follow him all day, he had seen it walking into the Slytherin common room, he had witnessed it exiting the library, its big, dark eyes staring at him, Severus could only describe then as the eyes of the devil.

So now sitting in the staffroom alone Severus was fuming, because someone, and he had a decent idea who, had left a cowpat on his desk. Severus glared so hard at the chair opposite it exploded into flames. "Damn Dumbledore," he growled "Trust him to turn this school into a zoo" Of course he was talking about the exchange students and the new staff, because cows didn't live in zoos.

* * *

Within a secluded corner of the dungeon classroom one Naruto Uzamaki stood, or rather leaned against the nearest wall, to say the least he was bored and really who would blame him. He, a captain of the best ANBU squad was sent on what could best be described as a baby-sitting mission, one that so far could have been done by any green genin squad.

Naruto had grown up from the smiling idiot he'd been in his genin days, he'd grown from the child who's dream was to be noticed, now he saw it as his mission to be forgotten. He's years in Konohona had changed him shaped him into the perfect shinobi, a killer cold and calculated. He still smiled and laughed but gone was the innocent gleam that once was captured in his eyes, he'd seen and done too much to ever be considered innocent.

At the moment though his thoughts were far from his past and focused on the classroom in front of him, being hired to guard a school such as this had at first seemed exciting and challenging but soon became tedious and dull. The only thing one had to guard the students from seemed to be their own stupidity. He turned his eyes onto the nearest textbook as he read the potion the students were supposed to be creating, it took him a few moments to deduce that the student nearest to him, one 6th year Gryffindor had added his ingredients incorrectly and his cauldron was about to blow up. As mentioned before the only danger within Hogwarts was the students themselves.

Letting his presence become known to the class Naruto stepped out of the shadows and quickly added the necessary ingredients into the cauldron to stop the impending explosion.

"You should read the instruction more carefully next time." He whispered to the now terrified student, one Neville Longbottom, "I won't always be here to save you." It seems his fox mask was too much for the boy who squealed and ran behind a fellow student.

"You should not have intervened, Longbottom it seems has the inability to learn from past mistakes, maybe an explosion would have forced it into his brain." Naruto could almost hear the sneer at the end of the sentence as he turned towards the teacher with said sneer present on his face.

"Although I agree that sometimes a little pain will help stimulate the mind to remember." He said to the teacher. "I have been hired to protect the population of this school and although any wounds could have easily healed, I doubt any of the students are used to such teaching methods unlike my upbringing."

The teacher seemed shocked by such an answer seeing to expect him to say such a method was barbaric.

Naruto smiled below his mask, 'This should be fun.' He couldn't help but think before continuing his conversation.

"I doubt even you had a very harsh upbringing or education so you are not really one to talk on what does and doesn't work. Pain will only help in certain situations… as will fear, but I guess you already knew that one." With that he teleported out of the classroom leaving behind a shocked class, a student close to fainting, a few leaves still falling and one bewildered potions master.

* * *

Momiji grinned impishly he was having a very fun day, he had that morning accidently swallowed a potion that temporarily changed him into a girl. It wasn't really a problem, the nurse had said it should wear off during the night and as he was wearing the girls uniform anyway and his physical features had barely changed no one had even noticed. It had however enabled him to turn Hatsaharu into a cow at any moment of the day, he made it his mission to do it as many times as possible without getting caught. It was of course easier to explain their abilities in the wizarding world with all the possible magic excuses but Momiji knew Kyo would disapprove so he decided to be as stealthy as possible. Hatsaharu didn't seem to mind; sometimes he didn't really seem to even notice he had changed.

There had been one particularly funny occurrence early that morning, Momiji was sure he would never forget the look on the potions master, of course Hatori had looked at him disapprovingly but he hadn't scolded him and that was what mattered to Momiji. The other plus for Momiji was he could hug Tohru anytime he wanted; of course he had to explain to her about his temporary condition first. Momiji had, had a wonderful time in his classes too, especially when Professor McGonagall had told then to turn their wine goblets into rabbits. All the rabbits had come and played with him and refused to turn back until he told them to. Momiji liked Hogwarts.

* * *

Edward Elric decided that he truly hated his superior Mustang, when he was being his boss anyway. It seems that Mustang's latest great idea was that Hogwarts should start an alchemy club/ class, it would be held after class hours of course and would only be open to the senior students. This didn't seem such a terrible idea in itself; it only became Ed's living nightmare when Roy announced that Ed would be taking it. After a lot of ranting, name-calling and gunshots, he'd finally calmed down, well he'd stopped attacking Mustang anyway. He was at the moment fuming silently in the corner of the staff room.

"Stupid bastard." He muttered under his breath still trying to figure a way out of this idiotic club, unfortunately Mustang was his superior and if ordered he really had no choice. 'I'll get him back.' He thought, a gleam of mischief in his golden eyes, 'I'll show him why he shouldn't mess with me.'

He left the staff room and walked down the empty castle halls, his mind working out how to exact his revenge. All he needed now was Hawkeye.

He heard the familiar sound of gunshots and headed in that direction. He found himself outside of the DADA classroom; he listened at the door and heard Hawkeye's voice within only catching every few words.

"Moment…. Refrain… injuring… class… my way."

He quickly moved from the door as it opened and Hawkeye stepped through, her gun once against holstered and her face a little flustered, a sight not often seen on the composed lieutenant.

"Edward." She said her voice a little shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you, what's your excuse?" He answered.

"The teacher was threatening his class and trying his best to kill them all I think." As she said the words a weird emotion crossed her face, one Ed couldn't pinpoint.

"Anyway." She continued, "How can I help you?"

"Want to help me exact revenge on Mustang? Just think of it as payback for all the irresponsible things he has done as your superior."

"Your lovers quarrel is nothing to do with me." She informed him.

"It's not a lovers quarrel, its in revenge for him making me teach some snot nosed brats who don't know the basic elements and think that they're above the laws of nature, come on Hawkeye, he needs to be taken down a peg or two and you know it."

She thought about it for a moment, her mind turning towards all the crap her superior had dragged her into, all the paperwork he never completed and burnt and the miniskirt he once made her wear.

"I'm in." She said.

"Excellent." Ed smiled as he rubbed his gloved hands together, they continued down the halls together, whispered plans between them. They both ignored the crash of a student being tackled through the classroom door.

* * *

Draco opened his bleary eyes. His head hurt, his arm throbbed and as for his manly parts, well he hoped that he would still be able to continue the Malfoy line. That Rukia girl was a nightmare, she seemed to delight in his pain, Draco had thought that getting Rukia as a partner in the hand to hand combat class would be good, he had hoped to be really good at fighting, he had hoped to make her pay for the last couple of days of abuse, humiliation and pain. Unfortunately for him it turned out she was incredibly, ridiculously good at maiming him in ways he didn't think the Dark Lord would even have thought of.

As his vision cleared he looked around the hospital wing, it was full to the brim, apparently other people had had bad days too. But there was no way they could have possibly been worse then his. He rolled onto his side, pulling the sheet up to his cheek; he was just about to drift back to sleep when he heard an unmistakable sound.

"Draco!"

Draco wanted to cry, he wanted to hide under his sheet, he would have run away but he didn't seem to have control over his legs right at that moment. Rukia jumped on him, which was painful in many, very insistent ways. The force of it pushed him onto his back leaving them in an awkward straddling position. Rukia didn't seem to notice the red flush that spread across Draco's cheeks, she prattled on about something or other whilst prodding one of the large bruises on his jaw. Draco just closed his eyes and prayed that she would get off him soon because he was kind of beginning to like having her sitting there and he really didn't even want to think about that at all.

* * *

Unaware of Draco's current dilemma sitting four beds down sat one Hermione Granger, although she hadn't been hurt as a direct result of the sparring session within DADA as she'd seen fit to spare against Harry who she knew would go easier on her. She had unfortunately been hurt in the chaos that insured, when one of the idiotic red headed new comers had pushed another new comer of similar coloured hair through the doors of the class Hermione had been unfortunate enough to be hit with some of the splintered remains of said doors. She was now the owner of a rather nasty cut down her left arm and one above her eyebrow. Overall she couldn't help but feel she'd come out on top, it could have been worse she considered as she looked down the rows of beds, her eyes landing on Malfoy and a certain female. If it wasn't for her hatred of Malfoy she might have felt sorry for him, as it were she couldn't help a small smile from forming on her lips.

"Excuse me " A polite voice addressed her, her head whipped around to find the owner of the voice. Standing next to her bed was what she could only describe as one of the most beautiful guys she'd ever laid eyes on, with his silver hair, purple eyes and almost girlish features he could only be considered pretty.

"Ah, yes?" Hermione said unsure why such a person would be talking to her, especially one she'd never met before.

As if he understood the look on her face the boy smiled as he spoke. "I'm Yuki Sohma" he introduced himself, "I'm one of the transfers. I heard you were hurt when someone was pushed through the door in your DADA class earlier, is that correct?"

His voice was soft and almost musical. She was so caught up in his voice that it was a few moments before she'd realised what he'd said and could answer, very much unlike her. 'Maybe it's the head wound.' She thought before answering.

"Yes I was." Was all she could manage to say still mesmerised by the boy Yuki.

"Then allow me to apologise." This caught her off guard, as she knew no reason Yuki should apologise.

"You see it was my cousin Kyo who pushed the student through the door while sparring, and although it is considered acceptable in such a spar it is not acceptable to endanger innocent bystanders." He looked sincere as he said it. "So I apologise for my cousin as he's too stubborn to do it himself, he should have known better and I should have made sure he was taught better. I am sorry you had to be hurt for him to learn, if he has that is."

It was a surprise to hear someone apologise for not even their own behaviour that Hermione was not sure what to say or do. Thankfully Yuki once again broke the silence.

"If there is anything you need don't hesitate to ask. I hope to see you around school." And with that said he left, leaving Hermione to contemplate the curious and polite boy that had left.

* * *

Hinata stood in the shadows of the library watching the small white haired boy called Toshiro scowl, with a small smile on her face. He looked like he wanted to blow them all up, he was obviously a solitary type and he resented the attention the girls lavished on him. She felt sorry for him; she could understand the need for time alone. Hinata very subtly formed an illusion of a masked, but topless, Naruto walking past the library door, the girls screamed in delight and chased off after it down the hall. Hinata's smile widened as she watched them go, then she turned to once again observe the boy that had caught her interest. Strangely he wasn't there anymore she frowned and raised an eyebrow, she hadn't felt him move. Then for the first time in a very long time Hinata jumped, she spun feeling a light pressure on her shoulder; astoundingly there he was, standing behind her a curious expression on his pale face.

"Thankyou for that" he said his icy blue eyes studying her intently

"How did you know it was me?" Hinata asked her curiosity piqued.

The boy just smiled and nodded to her and walked from the library. Just as he reached the door he glanced back at her with a look on his face that almost looked like a smile.

* * *

Beneath a dog mask and currently sitting on the roof was one Kiba Inuzuki. He surveyed the grounds below him and found no real threats, the dragon had been contained by one of the Professors, he could no longer hear the splintering of tables and doors signalling that DADA class had ended… or there were no tables left to break, and the stray cow roaming the halls of Hogwarts had disappeared. (Why the potions master was so concerned about a cow was beyond him, it wasn't like it could hurt anyone.) Overall it had been a rather boring day and despite one student that seemed to be attempting suicide on a broom he'd had very little to do.

He decided to go find Akamaru as he'd left his loyal partner on ground level. He stood up and jumped off the edge of the roof to the lower roof three stories below, he then walked down the side of the building feeling that the eight-story drop might leave him a little sore tomorrow and the students rather freaked out.

As his feet touched the ground he walked towards the lake where he had last seen the white fur of his nin dog. It was a nice day but colder then the usual temperature of the leaf village, for once he was actually glad for his ANBU uniform with all it layers. He'd barely made it halfway towards the lake when he felt the danger. It appears that one student hadn't listened to Dumbledore's warning at the welcoming speech and wanted to see how good these guards were. He turned to see a red light flying towards him and without a second thought he moved out of the way, ran towards the student that had sent it, and within less then a second had the boy pinned to the ground, kunai at his neck and arm almost dislocated.

Really it had only been a matter of time for a student to think they were better then the shinobi, the only question was which student was idiotic enough to try it. The answer was Zackary Smith of Ravenclaw.

"Next time you attack me or my fellow guards I'll take a souvenir, maybe an arm." Kiba growled to the boy still pinned beneath him. He let the kunai to cut into the skin to allow the message to sink in before letting him go.

He turned away and headed towards his intended destination, but not before his nose informed him that the boy had very bad bladder control.

* * *

Harry was rather unsatisfied, he had never thought that he liked the attention he received but the lull in his popularity due to the new people was starting to annoy him. He couldn't understand what was so interesting about them all anyway, so they where Japanese and they had been know to disappear randomly and so some of them of them allegedly had super awesome ninja skills. He couldn't see how that would be more interesting then a baby that had inadvertently stopped a dark lord. He glared at the small white haired boy sitting at a table in the back corner of the library, for some reason there where a whole giant group of girls at a table nearby staring at him and giggling. He was so small and child like and yet they seemed to be enraptured by him. The small white haired boy obviously loved the attention, of course he was, who would believe that the scowl on his face was real when he had so many girls paying attention to him, they where the pretty girls too. There was no way. Harry stood and strode from the library. All the new students where getting all the attention he deserved and Harry was not going to take it lying down.

* * *

When Matsumoto had been assigned to this mission her first thoughts had been of delight at all the paperwork she was leaving behind, that had been deflated when she became aware of the amount of homework expected of a 7th year student. She's never been the studious type and to do homework for subjects that she held very little interest in and had no need for, lets just say even the divisions paper work was sounding nice.

It was then as she eyed the pile of books she needed to read that she saw the familiar shade of white and a smile crept onto her lips.

"Taicho." She sang as she skipped towards her short captain.

"Don't call me that Matsumoto." He said between clenched teeth, the only time he would ever tell anyone not to call him that.

"Why is it then you refuse to call me that when you're allowed and instead call me by ridiculous nick names, and now that you can't its all you call me?" He asked his ice like eyes glaring at her.

"Sorry I forgot Toshiro." She said sweetly, enough to make him question what the hell she wanted.

"I was wondering if you could help me with my homework, it's just so hard." She fluttered her eyelashes at him and swayed her hips, every other guy in the library suddenly wanted to be in the white haired boys position.

"No" was the only reply she got as he turned away a pile of books in hand.

Matsumoto didn't know what to do, the homework was still there and it would take a lot of time and effort to get Taicho to do it.

Her problems were solved when a nervous voice spoke up.

"I'll help you." Said a timid Hufflepuff she smiled at the offer.

"I'll help you I'm top of our transfiguration class." Said another boy

"No I'll help I'm best at DADA." And then it seemed all guys within the library were the best at something, including some 3rd and 4th year student.

Matsumoto bounced up and down with glee, only causing the argument to increase in volume.

* * *

Shino watched the cow grazing in the small hollow of trees with an eyebrow raised, his bugs had informed him that there was something very strange about the cow. He walked to it hand outstretched cautiously so as not to startle it, the cow watched him near then nudged his hand with its soft warm nose. Shino patted its head gently, his bugs quivered within him, for some reason they liked being around this cow. For some reason that Shino couldn't fathom at all he liked being around this cow. A sudden puff of smoke erupted out of nowhere and the cow was replaced by a boy with black and white hair and a soft expression in his eyes. Also the boy was completely naked which for some reason Shino was rather pleased with, he had never been attracted to anyone before but this boy seemed to be invoking exactly those sorts of feelings within him. He looked away trying not to think about the fact that the boy actually had naturally white and black hair and the way he had discovered this to be true. Shino pulled off the cloak he was wearing and passed it to the boy wondering why his cheeks where so warm.

"Thankyou," Hatsaharu said draping the cloak around his body.

Shino nodded and disappeared glad that his ANBU mask hid his expression from the boy with the sweet, gentle eyes.

* * *

That night at dinner everyone couldn't help but notice the cheerful expression on the Headmaster's face, he was known for a cheerful demeanour at all times but this was just plain scary. He was at present humming under his breath as the few latecomers were finding their seats. The source of his good attitude came from the new students and the mystery, mayhem and all together fun (in his opinion) that they brought with them.

He was aware that he now had to fix the DADA door and majority of the classroom, he knew that their was a chance he would have to pay for his potion master's therapy (if the cow wasn't caught), he was aware that Roy Mustang may in fact be killed by one of the soldier's under his command in the next few days and he also knew that the female population of Hogwarts had started various fan clubs for many new students.

Despite all that he knew he couldn't keep the childish glee from his face as he watched the fun begin. He'd found it rather dull and serious of late and hoped that this would bring humour and liveliness back into the stonewalls of his school.


End file.
